Author: Paul McKim

Good communication is essential for many kinds of relationships and situations, but it can be a challenge for nearly everyone. In my therapy practice, I have worked with many couples, families, and individuals on communication issues. This has often involved helping my clients develop reflective listening skills that promote empathy and reduce conflict. I also show them how to talk about their feelings, using non-blaming language, while still being assertive and direct. However, I see improving communication as being about something more fundamental than learning what to say: developing self-awareness. Communication breaks down because we don’t understand our feelings, or know how to handle them, and we react impulsively in destructive ways.  Successful communication requires us to be able to recognize what we are feeling and to choose how we engage with others, rather than reacting automatically.

Continue reading “Self-Awareness: The Key To Better Communication”

We don’t often step back and observe the way we relate to our feelings and inner experience. However, it’s essential to look at this in order to get more in touch with our real selves, and be able to process our true feelings. In particular, we need to recognize the ways that we reject, judge, manipulate, and try to control what is going on inside of us. Continue reading “Our Relationship With Our Feelings”

Our society is highly polarized by political and cultural issues. This touches all of us on some level and has the potential to impact therapy as well. How a therapist works with this is not only important for their clients’ trust and sense of safety, but also may or may not be useful for the therapy process. In order to contribute to a discussion about this topic, and address concerns of potential clients, I’d like to share how I deal with politics in my therapy practice. Continue reading “Political Division And Therapy”

Imagine that some mean, judgmental person followed you around all the time, putting you down and accusing you of screwing up. From the time you woke up in the morning, until you went to sleep at night, they would be there pointing out your supposed mistakes and flaws. To make matters worse, let’s assume that you believed everything that they said about you. How do you think this would affect the way that you see yourself, and how you live your life?

Continue reading “Freedom From The Inner Critic”